And then they went and other wonders and wizards came round.

The New Year going be here soon and I'm nearly ready to go out and have fun and everything and I'm not sure what is that what I'm feeling right now.
This year has been quite a good piece of my lifetime, full of emotions and adventures and changes and new discoveries and inspirations and disappointments and sad things, there was a death that always will be hard to think about and there were some magical things that used to make my head spin and then they went and other wonders and wizards came round.
I'm exhausted. In a way. It even seems there's nothing left to feel / to feel with in my heart anymore, I'm just an empty vision heartwise, what I can't say about my mind, it works quite good and is getting through this constant visionary depression better or worse and my hands are drawing stuff all the time, and I'm looking forward the minute I'm back from all the festivities to get my hands on all the exciting things.

Stars on the ceiling and other snowflakes.

I'm back to my shadowy room with all my small notes and pictures. It was raining while I was making my way on the train and the nature had all those beautiful sad autumn colours and bare arms of the trees and empty spaces. I really needed this Riiga holiday, seeing my Mum, who is actually amazing, no matter what I get to think sometimes, she's so intelligent and knows everything and sometimes stuff she knows and understand brings my mind to some kind of upheaval, overheating and fall, then rebirth and restructuring later, and Nikki and then Dad for a short while. I was losing my ways in a way and got some kind of mental recharging. Life there was so busy, kinda different from the busy-ness I have here, so full of words, shades and small beautiful happenings like tender snowing and LMA students's show and its spirit of inspiring and introverturous creativity and ideas. Like everything happening is closed from the outside and has its mysteries inside to go and find them. Everything is structured and moving and interesting to get into. And I saw a lot of beautiufl advertising, still and moving image.
And therefore I have been having a lot of these night visions of mine - when I can't fall asleep and when I close my eyes I see really engaging and different and often beautiful images and ideas and places, castles, eerie creatures and other stuff I try to sketch down in the dark.

An affair.

I think my heart is having an affair with the observational drawing. yee.

In the snowland.

I'm at my parent's house and everything around me has something magical in it: all these books from their library room, old and new, with illustrations and without, my old good piano, notebooks, pictures, my sister's violins, little sculptures, stamp collections, all grandmum's boxes, saucers and cups collections with this feel of lace and history to it, even wallpaper patterns, and a huge mirror in the bathroom, all the endless snowing outside.
And there are stars glowing in the dark on the ceiling of my room.

Frosty paper.

If you glue a piece of tracing paper onto the black cardboard with a glue stick, the surface looks frosted.*

Snowing !

music: Will I Avenge or Revenge? by Monsters Build Mean Robots.

It's snowing like in an elfland!*-*
The morning was pretty emptying and now, as the darkness has arrived, everything's got this magic touch to it, everything's mysterious and beautiful, full of stories and deep unexplored spaces of lacy darkness.
Nearly finished with printing my Ice Mirrors illustration on different pieces of tracing paper for cards and greeting notes, all gifts are wrapped (!)and snowflakes cut out, got to start->finish packing and then work on the book cover, tattoo design and my investigation project. I've calculated that in order to finish with the book in time I need to do a new illustration every 1,8 days. 9.6

Star Wars are great. I just had to put this down.

Can't you see the skies are breaking .

Sophie had another wicked thought while I was hanging around while she was shelving: " ..and you can create a hand-bound book with 15-20 illustrations representing each day or situation. That's what they need in illustration world, right?".

Ollie's and Jem's house.

Ollie's and Jem's house is an incredibly inspiring place. As soon as I enter their living room I get this urgent need to draw patterns. This is a result of the last time I had dinner at theirs.

Everything changes.

Just found this drawing of mine finished a while ago when it was at its best in making sense. Now all the pieces are struggling to come together in my head. I thought I'd wait for the day I'd feel like giving this away to him, the day I'd wake up and my heart would feel right just like back in the early days, but the day had never come until the moment everything ended. I might be seeing him one to one for the last time today, so hopefully he accepts this as a goodbye present since it belongs to him in a way. It doesn't belong here in my room any more anyways.

The way through the cemetery down along the river.

A church with a celtic cross if you look though the window.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft (August 20, 1890 – March 15, 1937) was an American author of horror, fantasy, and science fiction, known then simply as weird fiction. Lovecraft's major inspiration and invention was cosmic horror, the idea that life is incomprehensible to human minds and that the universe is fundamentally alien. Those who genuinely reason, like his protagonists, gamble with sanity. His works were deeply pessimistic and cynical, challenging the values of the Enlightenment, Romanticism, and Christian humanism.

When a few hours ago the pretty odd pluming system outside my bedroom window was about to drive me absolutely mad ( the old good method of torture to freak the crap out of a human mind) and the magical pills (x4 -every 30, 15, 2, 2 minutes) didn’t help and the sounds from the outside of my head started to disperse into lines and and winds-like-materia creating coordinates in dark space of my mind, I decided to draw something and here's the result: