I'm moving to Brick Lane soon and I am as excited as feeling odd about it. It's a change and lately change is something that I don't welcome dramatically, it rocks my world, unsettles my mind, makes me think about things I better don't, distracts me from spending time tet-a-tet with all the things I'd love to do on my Day Off. I haven't had a day off for two weeks now and am feeling exhausted and apathetic. Also gloomy, a bit down and emotional and this sacred studio of mine in this room full of night hours' silence, wall posters, pictures, notebooks, personal space is soon to be left for the wonderful room in the middle of all the arty and bohemian happenings of Central London the Greatest in all its glory of things interesting, beautiful, infinite, victorian, and what have you. 

These days are visually filled with early mornings, black suede pumps, cold hearts, black magic, bleeding cowboys, odd songs, photos of people I never met, dreaming of taking portrait photographs, thoughts about moving, vintage dresses that need altering, working on a storyboard for a music video in my head, and working on other things on paper and screen outside my head, my hair being soft and smelling of the spring last year, feeling of being lost in time and understanding where I'm  going with all this.

I haven't had any time to work on my last personal illustration yet, I'm drawing it A3 and I have just done his arm since the last update.

I will get back to this eventually.

Men in Wicked Shoes.

Now when I listen to my Dead Man's Bones playlist, I immediately have the days when I was working hard on my EA Poe project (with real dedication) running through my head with all the visuals of late nights, silence, lacy cigarette smoke, loads of line drawings and painting the tombstone and the smell of acrylic paint, loads of ghostly shadows on the walls of my room when I couldn't fall asleep, two men I know in person which wear awesomely wicked shoes, my greyish blue roses pattern skirt, the decadent walls of the corner of my "poe cabinet" space and definitely everything tinted with the sounds of the "In the Room Where You Sleep" and "Werewolf Heart" songs. It feels like I actually used to live in that House of Usher I drew, with the dusty moonlight through the stained glass Gothic revival windows, gloomy hallways, little disappointment and minutes of magic, the velvet arm chairs, mosaic floors and spiderweb-work decorating the gutter edges.

a film monitor!

Yesterday going through the stuff I store in the dark cupboard with winter clothes, I found a monitor I hadn't used for ages, so I connected it to my laptop and now I've got a monitor for films, so when I draw or paint, or animate or edit, I can watch films with the left side of my eyes, central focuses on the laptop screen and right looks in the window. that all sounded a little bit weird.

An affair.

I think my heart is having an affair with the observational drawing. yee.

After-final-year-show effects.

When I close my eyes I can see some indie fonts being drawn and constructed in the 3d space of my eyelids and illustrations appearing in pieces and lines on the blueish sheets of paper, to be more descriptive, they look like blueprints, authentic blueprints.

I’ve just got up ( a little bit late since I went to bed at around 4 last night) and feel this urge to draw everything around in the back of my head and at the ends of my eyelashes. I was just having a glass of water in the kitchen and saw a new flower on the wildrose-bush outside the window and the first thought I had was how would I draw it, which no of the liner to use and how the final black pen lines would look on greyish paper.

An undefinable-overwhelmingmatter .

Work was freaking tiring but good fun as well. the dude with nice hair asked me a lot of questions but it was strange to discover that I hadn’t thought about him for such a long time. my heart feels different and takes a whole left half of my chest from the inside right now. it feels new and so fresh and exciting like the sun-silvered seawater at the beginning of April. when I close my eyes, I see this elves-world-smile. its embroidered in my mind with lights, sounds and scents.

I desperately need to go to sleep since I haven't slept properly for a couple of days and my face hurts [literally], but I just can’t get myself into it. There is this something overwhelming and it does not let me sleep, but I don't think I can define it in words, or any other human method of communication.

Originally this blog was started to show the progress of my personal projects and have taken a look at my recent posts I can see that what I do is fill in the entries with some emotional crap.

Not sure if I can stop it though.

What I know for sure is that I can’t control my mood swings any more and my chest hurt every single day over the recent weeks.

I need to stop being so easily affected by my emotions, thoughts and feelings and concentrate on the work I have to do and what I really enjoy doing.

I feel a lot of heart-exploding inspiration one moment and right the next minute can feel this lack of oxygen in my lungs and this pain in my knees and in the middle of my chest.

I just know that there are so many things I can do, but I won’t be able to ( them all) no matter how hard I try and this depresses me quite a bit what leads to the loss of time instead of progressing or anything.

The moment I find myself content and working on another drawing or animation, something mind-wrecking happens and no matter how many of those calming down pills I swallow, the only thing I keep focusing on is that brain-crash-ing issue.

Had work till half 6 today and finally arrived home at around quarter past 7. So I was having my wicked dinner consisting of a lemon tart with vanilla milkshake and RESTING and watching a little bit of TV when I saw Soph’s car reversing outside. She came over to get me to go to Mayas and since my phone had been dead for ages ( not sure why I wouldn’t charge the goddamn battery), it was a nice surprise. And finally, after 100 years of invitations, I saw Mayas place and her flatmates who happened to be pretty old.

and I'm serious about this, *very often emotions and feelings are not entirely expressed on my face in all their strength, since I’m kinda reserved person when it comes to certain things. my mind is like a notebook and during the moments of new experiences it captures everything in all its bits, pieces and details. and I just have no time to express the emotions in a loud / visible way. Or I just don’t feel like I need to or the moment requires / needs me to.

It’s just like these impressions are too precious to be shown to the audience or put in words.

Mr Moth.

While hovering under my bed today , I found a moth. It had already gone to see its maker, so I obviously couldn’t talk to him and ask, where had he come from and what was he doing down there under my bed by the time he died, so I just put it in my Gustav Klimt metal box, and now its not empty any more.

Vaughan Oliver's exhibition

was pretty amusing. Took pictures of almost all the interesting people there.
And my eyes got photographed like 4 times! By tony and a nameless man. It was sunny inside and my lashes were glowing in blue. Probably that's why.

This is amazing! Makes my mind turn inside out. And also go and explore the Artics myself.

"A massive pliosaur- the giant fossilised Jurassic-era marine reptile was found on the Norwegian Arctic archipelago of Svalbard. The creature’s estimated bite was over 10 times more powerful than that found in any modern animal – and four times the bite of a T-Rex.

It's nicknamed “Predator X” with the est. length of its body being 50 feet, enormous jaws taking 2/3 of it. The power of its bite would make even T-Rex look feeble, as reported by Reuters quoting scientists from the Natural History Museum of Oslo University.

Smoky air.

*It smells like spring in the streets.
*His hair looks like Howl’s, I realised it earlier today.

This morning's light

wasn't as painful as it normally is, but still hurt my eyes a little bit. The awakening was early, but nice and odd. oddd. *-*

and he asks me all these interesting questions.