I'm moving to Brick Lane soon and I am as excited as feeling odd about it. It's a change and lately change is something that I don't welcome dramatically, it rocks my world, unsettles my mind, makes me think about things I better don't, distracts me from spending time tet-a-tet with all the things I'd love to do on my Day Off. I haven't had a day off for two weeks now and am feeling exhausted and apathetic. Also gloomy, a bit down and emotional and this sacred studio of mine in this room full of night hours' silence, wall posters, pictures, notebooks, personal space is soon to be left for the wonderful room in the middle of all the arty and bohemian happenings of Central London the Greatest in all its glory of things interesting, beautiful, infinite, victorian, and what have you. 

These days are visually filled with early mornings, black suede pumps, cold hearts, black magic, bleeding cowboys, odd songs, photos of people I never met, dreaming of taking portrait photographs, thoughts about moving, vintage dresses that need altering, working on a storyboard for a music video in my head, and working on other things on paper and screen outside my head, my hair being soft and smelling of the spring last year, feeling of being lost in time and understanding where I'm  going with all this.

I haven't had any time to work on my last personal illustration yet, I'm drawing it A3 and I have just done his arm since the last update.

I will get back to this eventually.

Secret Alphabets.

I was nicely told earlier today that my hair looked like it's got fine golden threads interplaited in it.
Today: bleeding bruises, patience, watercolour hair, late mornings, Cashmere club, Secret Alphabets.
Some work in progress:

I could not fall asleep last night no matter what I tried to do with myself ( like sketching, counting dragons, taking pills, building a noise-protective fortress castle out of my pillows over my head), but on the other hand I nearly managed to figure out the final story line for the music video I had got myself into making of. The pin-through idea is : objects and subjects disappearing and reappearing and transforming into different things -where the love goes, I think that's what they're singing about there.

I used to feel incredibly worried about this job and actually got stuck, had a few days of depressive obsessions and monomaniac ideas but finally settling down with the concepts now and think it's going to be a good practice in illustration and animation for me and they gave me a complete freedom of choice in anything I'm going to do as well.

I feel like drawing for some storyboards, but I'm ridiculously tired from all the things that took place this weekend and will see how long I'm going to last till I crash out.

In other, non drawing related news,- today I received one of the most surprisingly wicked compliments I've ever heard- I sat down by Jamie in the canteen and there was a 'fabulous' mag or something like that kind of periodical on the table and I looked through it saying I was looking for some pictures of beautiful people to draw and Jamie said I should take a mirror and draw. 

And, hooray, my orchard drawing board in A2 arrived today in the morning and I'm over the moon about that, and there's also no excuses possible to not to draw every other minute of my life full of this light sadness of mine. Well, I have been feeling complete and existing in my own imaginary world of Poe, ghosts and elves and things over the recent weeks and stated to get over things I'd thought I'd never will, but I don't think I will ever lose these depressive moments and emotional thoughts of mine, I can't escape them, I think they are deep inside of me and are under no control from he side of my mind.

the journalist.

I want the Friday night back, the music, the thoughts, the sounds and lights.
I really want to talk to him again like there is no freaking tomorrow.
Can't remember his name no matter how hard I try. nooooooooooo.

He just mesmerises me with the way he talks and makes comments and his reactions to things are pretty enchanting.

a very beautiful purple dream.

So, I'm not sure if I had ever seen dreams like that, and yesterday it was a whole film, a ghost film, a whole ghost film very visually beautiful and aesthetically pleasant.
Last night I got back home and was feeling incredibly out of space and couldn't draw or work on my dissertation so I looked at some picture books, then watched some short films and then switched off on my bed.
And when I woke up in the middle of the night, I could perfectly remember the dream I'd just seen, and I can still remember it now (I was terribly afraid I wouldn't).
So, there was a castle. I did not see it from the outside but been to many rooms inside and experienced them in detail.
It had that room I used to see a lot in my dreams in May and June last year, a room somewhere in the cellar areas of a dark gloomy building, with silver dust and spiderweb patterns all over the place, dripping water and somebody coming up the stairs just in front of me up in the darkness of the stairs, but I could never see them properly. I can remember it properly even this very evening and although I haven't seen this room for a while, I saw it last night but this time with some more to it, with the whole castle.
(to be honest, when I woke up, I was incredibly overwhelmed by everything I had seen, but I don't think I can remember all the details now)
The rooms and halls and corridors in the castle had a touch of time to them, the interior was very intricate and highly different and weird, it had mirrors, a lot of stairs, beautiful wallpaper, the colour palette mostly silver, blue, dark navy, black, some red, and greyish blue. The creatures I was around but they couldn't see me were some kind of ghosts, I could see though them, but feel them and hear them talking, the weren't walking on the ground, more like floating in a way, and the most impressive thing was they would have some kind of purple mist, a cloud of purple dust around them, this aura of them was more visible and rememberable than their own matter itself. A man had dark curly hair, shoulder length and the lady, can't remember her face properly, the hair had a tint of dark gold and she was wearing glowing early victorian with some Elizabethan jewelry details clothes and had tattoos on her arms.
I can't recall what were their conversations or plans like, the visual part was the strongest.

under the table.

this is one of the entries about the visual memories of the day.
I was trying to make the cables and other things obey to me under my desk, and Maya walked into the room and asked me if I was lost under my table. this made me generate two illustrated images and a little bit of moving image.
gotta work on it, and get back to this.

LED ghost.

Today was Sunday and Sundays are fun. Also there were a couple of wicked moments in my life earlier during the day and late evening.
While on the bus from work I had the whole and complete and looking awesome the idea about the stuff I want to do for my FinalMajorProject. It involves hell of a lot of illustration, some 3d animation and interactivity bits. The only thing I can share in words is that there gunna be an LED ghost. Also some windows, and dragons. *<*

*

*blue blood - white background and intricate details. in the hospital today my arm would go blue time to time. blood is cardinal -crimson red and blue at the same time. blood is amazing. remember when we studied all the types and circles the human blood makes and it was a mind-blowing system.
*ephemeral. it's a beautiful word and appears highly visual in my head. I was watching spiderman online earlier and it made me think how some things are ephemeral and ghost like (just Julian Wolfreys described the non-material ephemerality of media in his victorian ghosts and hauntings book today). also made me think how letting things go and change is an inevitable matter and element of our life, the more highly-technological our existence gets, the more ephemeral things there are around us and the more things we can't make stay longer. both in emotional and technological ways.

*-*

What I would wear on a second date with him.

Sophie had another wicked thought while I was hanging around while she was shelving: " ..and you can create a hand-bound book with 15-20 illustrations representing each day or situation. That's what they need in illustration world, right?".

Everything changes.

Just found this drawing of mine finished a while ago when it was at its best in making sense. Now all the pieces are struggling to come together in my head. I thought I'd wait for the day I'd feel like giving this away to him, the day I'd wake up and my heart would feel right just like back in the early days, but the day had never come until the moment everything ended. I might be seeing him one to one for the last time today, so hopefully he accepts this as a goodbye present since it belongs to him in a way. It doesn't belong here in my room any more anyways.

Oh boy, tonight I'm going out with Max P., and not Max Payne (who is sexy too), but a real superhero.

He did archery for 7 years! I was amazed all over from the inside, like my mind was sparkled with some silvery moonbeam dust. It's rare you meet people who have an elfish touch to them and who have done archery in their lives.

Among the other cast-spelling things he's got around him, he knew who Michel Gondry was! V-V
And he seriously gets the wickedness of the LOTR, not like everyone else liking it, but,.. I've kinda just lost my thought. I'm going to sleep since I'm really tired and can't even draw, the point was he's got this touch of elfishness to him.