Can't you see the skies are breaking .

Sophie had another wicked thought while I was hanging around while she was shelving: " ..and you can create a hand-bound book with 15-20 illustrations representing each day or situation. That's what they need in illustration world, right?".

Ollie's and Jem's house.

Ollie's and Jem's house is an incredibly inspiring place. As soon as I enter their living room I get this urgent need to draw patterns. This is a result of the last time I had dinner at theirs.

Everything changes.

Just found this drawing of mine finished a while ago when it was at its best in making sense. Now all the pieces are struggling to come together in my head. I thought I'd wait for the day I'd feel like giving this away to him, the day I'd wake up and my heart would feel right just like back in the early days, but the day had never come until the moment everything ended. I might be seeing him one to one for the last time today, so hopefully he accepts this as a goodbye present since it belongs to him in a way. It doesn't belong here in my room any more anyways.

The way through the cemetery down along the river.

A church with a celtic cross if you look though the window.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft.

Howard Phillips Lovecraft (August 20, 1890 – March 15, 1937) was an American author of horror, fantasy, and science fiction, known then simply as weird fiction. Lovecraft's major inspiration and invention was cosmic horror, the idea that life is incomprehensible to human minds and that the universe is fundamentally alien. Those who genuinely reason, like his protagonists, gamble with sanity. His works were deeply pessimistic and cynical, challenging the values of the Enlightenment, Romanticism, and Christian humanism.

When a few hours ago the pretty odd pluming system outside my bedroom window was about to drive me absolutely mad ( the old good method of torture to freak the crap out of a human mind) and the magical pills (x4 -every 30, 15, 2, 2 minutes) didn’t help and the sounds from the outside of my head started to disperse into lines and and winds-like-materia creating coordinates in dark space of my mind, I decided to draw something and here's the result:

Oh boy, tonight I'm going out with Max P., and not Max Payne (who is sexy too), but a real superhero.

He did archery for 7 years! I was amazed all over from the inside, like my mind was sparkled with some silvery moonbeam dust. It's rare you meet people who have an elfish touch to them and who have done archery in their lives.

After-final-year-show effects.

When I close my eyes I can see some indie fonts being drawn and constructed in the 3d space of my eyelids and illustrations appearing in pieces and lines on the blueish sheets of paper, to be more descriptive, they look like blueprints, authentic blueprints.

Among the other cast-spelling things he's got around him, he knew who Michel Gondry was! V-V
And he seriously gets the wickedness of the LOTR, not like everyone else liking it, but,.. I've kinda just lost my thought. I'm going to sleep since I'm really tired and can't even draw, the point was he's got this touch of elfishness to him.

I’ve just got up ( a little bit late since I went to bed at around 4 last night) and feel this urge to draw everything around in the back of my head and at the ends of my eyelashes. I was just having a glass of water in the kitchen and saw a new flower on the wildrose-bush outside the window and the first thought I had was how would I draw it, which no of the liner to use and how the final black pen lines would look on greyish paper.

An undefinable-overwhelmingmatter .

Work was freaking tiring but good fun as well. the dude with nice hair asked me a lot of questions but it was strange to discover that I hadn’t thought about him for such a long time. my heart feels different and takes a whole left half of my chest from the inside right now. it feels new and so fresh and exciting like the sun-silvered seawater at the beginning of April. when I close my eyes, I see this elves-world-smile. its embroidered in my mind with lights, sounds and scents.

I desperately need to go to sleep since I haven't slept properly for a couple of days and my face hurts [literally], but I just can’t get myself into it. There is this something overwhelming and it does not let me sleep, but I don't think I can define it in words, or any other human method of communication.

Originally this blog was started to show the progress of my personal projects and have taken a look at my recent posts I can see that what I do is fill in the entries with some emotional crap.

Not sure if I can stop it though.

What I know for sure is that I can’t control my mood swings any more and my chest hurt every single day over the recent weeks.

I need to stop being so easily affected by my emotions, thoughts and feelings and concentrate on the work I have to do and what I really enjoy doing.

I feel a lot of heart-exploding inspiration one moment and right the next minute can feel this lack of oxygen in my lungs and this pain in my knees and in the middle of my chest.

I just know that there are so many things I can do, but I won’t be able to ( them all) no matter how hard I try and this depresses me quite a bit what leads to the loss of time instead of progressing or anything.

The moment I find myself content and working on another drawing or animation, something mind-wrecking happens and no matter how many of those calming down pills I swallow, the only thing I keep focusing on is that brain-crash-ing issue.