Pilot / Dark Blue Night.

The night before the last night I dreamt of A.R. It felt incredibly real, like I actually saw him after so many years of having not even a single memory of thought. I wonder why.

I have been listening to Philip Jeck a lot recently and the dream visuals, A.R. playing Beethoven, Jeck's harmonies and disharmonies, being back here and away from the Sea are knit in a dark blue mosaic of odd fluid state of reality of blueish mornings, empty house, frosty trees and foggy future, apathetic self-answers and the world of thoughts and scents of the past and future as well as the feelings of the present hold really close to me not really touching anything outside it.

Black Swan is one of the best films I have ever seen. It's brilliant in so many ways.

I'm moving to Brick Lane soon and I am as excited as feeling odd about it. It's a change and lately change is something that I don't welcome dramatically, it rocks my world, unsettles my mind, makes me think about things I better don't, distracts me from spending time tet-a-tet with all the things I'd love to do on my Day Off. I haven't had a day off for two weeks now and am feeling exhausted and apathetic. Also gloomy, a bit down and emotional and this sacred studio of mine in this room full of night hours' silence, wall posters, pictures, notebooks, personal space is soon to be left for the wonderful room in the middle of all the arty and bohemian happenings of Central London the Greatest in all its glory of things interesting, beautiful, infinite, victorian, and what have you. 

These days are visually filled with early mornings, black suede pumps, cold hearts, black magic, bleeding cowboys, odd songs, photos of people I never met, dreaming of taking portrait photographs, thoughts about moving, vintage dresses that need altering, working on a storyboard for a music video in my head, and working on other things on paper and screen outside my head, my hair being soft and smelling of the spring last year, feeling of being lost in time and understanding where I'm  going with all this.

I haven't had any time to work on my last personal illustration yet, I'm drawing it A3 and I have just done his arm since the last update.

I will get back to this eventually.

Secret Alphabets.

I was nicely told earlier today that my hair looked like it's got fine golden threads interplaited in it.
Today: bleeding bruises, patience, watercolour hair, late mornings, Cashmere club, Secret Alphabets.
Some work in progress:

Fun is A Relative Concept

Time is being as relative as and everything seems to be fuelled or killed by my mood swings, random ideas or tunes that appear in my head or I come across. What feels nice. As nice as the smell of this odd candle on my desk, Anna Ash'es vintage melodies and the bubble scent of my Aussie shampoo. My hair is a bit shorter again and I feel free and independent with my shoulders with no weight on them.

The money resources I'm in possession for this month allow me not to go to the Goodwood vintage festival at the end of the month or take a random trip to Brighton, but pay my rent, some milk for tea and go to the post office once in a while, but I can't complain. And since Fun, as Alex Noriega puts it, is A Relative Concept, ( his work is freaking fantastic by the way, I love every single card, http://stuffnoonetoldme.blogspot.com) shall this week be full of drawing (I need to finish 2 illustrations for a book by the end of Saturday, and 1 piece of work for a vintage shop by Thursday), some website-building, some reading ( I thought I'd read every day to be a smart individual, the choice of today is between the Count of Monte Cristo or the latest Vice I haven't read yet?), some crafty stuff, like dress making, tea drinking, listening to Kasabian's latest album (I might have developed a bit of addiction there) and may be rewatching some of the Nouvelle Vague films.

Men in Wicked Shoes.

Now when I listen to my Dead Man's Bones playlist, I immediately have the days when I was working hard on my EA Poe project (with real dedication) running through my head with all the visuals of late nights, silence, lacy cigarette smoke, loads of line drawings and painting the tombstone and the smell of acrylic paint, loads of ghostly shadows on the walls of my room when I couldn't fall asleep, two men I know in person which wear awesomely wicked shoes, my greyish blue roses pattern skirt, the decadent walls of the corner of my "poe cabinet" space and definitely everything tinted with the sounds of the "In the Room Where You Sleep" and "Werewolf Heart" songs. It feels like I actually used to live in that House of Usher I drew, with the dusty moonlight through the stained glass Gothic revival windows, gloomy hallways, little disappointment and minutes of magic, the velvet arm chairs, mosaic floors and spiderweb-work decorating the gutter edges.

Substance.

Some things that have been happening recently have been rocking my world in different extremely various ways and my mind keep drowning in this fever of endless visuals and images I'd love to draw or film. Even while watching football yesterday I had this short music visual for a song acoustically similar to Joy Division's Isolation.

My fingers hurt very much from all the scalpel cuts, it seems I manage to cut myself more that the sheet of paper I'm working with. And I can't peel a clementine now cause it hurts as hell.

The show is over and my chest feels a little bit empty and full of odd indescribable emotions. The only thing I'd love to involve my mind into right now is album artwork and also some music videos. But we are going to the freaking Paris for a freaking week what's gunna break a huge hole in my budget. On a bright side of things I'm going to see Julien Valee live. Can't even imagine how freaking fantastic it's going to be. He makes my mind shiver. His hair, his endless creativity and his sexually cool converse that express it all.

In the Room Where You Sleep

Dead Man's Bones - In The Room Where You Sleep sounds like the atmosphere that shall me floating inside my Poe cabinet corridor if I manage to build everything in time.

Papier-mâché'd my left hand earlier, it looked pretty (supposed to be dried out and transformed into a lamp-glove-hand), but didn't know what to do with it being wet - I couldn't use a hairdryer in this time and hour, so just ripped the white glove kind of thing apart. Time well spent.

blueberry mornings.

As the twilight came down to my room, my mind was reborn with some new inspiration. Came across one project I'd be quite excited to contribute to as soon as I find a gloomy side of it to work with. The deadline is long after the show though so I shall place this on the top shelf for the time being. While on a bus to work earlier today (having some blueberries for breakfast) I had three incredibly distinct visuals about my ''Truthtellers'' skateboard designs, the second image in the Sögerie / Octavier series ( he's turning into dust every time he falls asleep), and about the Oval Portrait ( for the Poe project). I thought I could draw some more things for the Poe installation (and it's still wouldn't be enough as the visual worlds of his stories are endless, but it's worth trying). Shall be posting some work in progress tomorrow or so.

Today, after I got my dearest iphone back after I'd lost it in marks&spencers, I got a text from Ben saying he'd love to buy a posterized print of my Six Roots Under illustration and I would also have to sign it for him! How inspiring of him. That literally made my day, therefore more illustrations to come. Ordered a print through the services I use for my posters, should come out presentable.

The heart is the body's strongest muscle.

Well, trying to hold on to the promise of 'a picture a day and not less than that' here. This is a rough sketch from my sketchbook I made while watching the film "Life Before Her Eyes", [ all about how seriously ephemeral our existence is]. But the drawing is not about that. Since I'm all over the great Gothic Revival and Poe these days, the sketch portraits the sexy barber.

I know it's gunna go at some point, but I can't get myself out of this depressive state right now. there's nothing I feel attached to or looking for or forward to in my mind. I'd love to illustrate and only but I realize I won't be able to illustrate everything I've got in my head. I even cry while watching comedies. freaking mood swings, I don't even know what to think about.

I could not fall asleep last night no matter what I tried to do with myself ( like sketching, counting dragons, taking pills, building a noise-protective fortress castle out of my pillows over my head), but on the other hand I nearly managed to figure out the final story line for the music video I had got myself into making of. The pin-through idea is : objects and subjects disappearing and reappearing and transforming into different things -where the love goes, I think that's what they're singing about there.

I used to feel incredibly worried about this job and actually got stuck, had a few days of depressive obsessions and monomaniac ideas but finally settling down with the concepts now and think it's going to be a good practice in illustration and animation for me and they gave me a complete freedom of choice in anything I'm going to do as well.

I feel like drawing for some storyboards, but I'm ridiculously tired from all the things that took place this weekend and will see how long I'm going to last till I crash out.

In other, non drawing related news,- today I received one of the most surprisingly wicked compliments I've ever heard- I sat down by Jamie in the canteen and there was a 'fabulous' mag or something like that kind of periodical on the table and I looked through it saying I was looking for some pictures of beautiful people to draw and Jamie said I should take a mirror and draw. 

And, hooray, my orchard drawing board in A2 arrived today in the morning and I'm over the moon about that, and there's also no excuses possible to not to draw every other minute of my life full of this light sadness of mine. Well, I have been feeling complete and existing in my own imaginary world of Poe, ghosts and elves and things over the recent weeks and stated to get over things I'd thought I'd never will, but I don't think I will ever lose these depressive moments and emotional thoughts of mine, I can't escape them, I think they are deep inside of me and are under no control from he side of my mind.

Just had a chocolate heart and want to run around and draw on walls.

My Poe cabinet project is slow in making, but is worth the time spent so far and occupies the whole of my mind, soul and heart. I don't even have any other thoughts about anything else. Except for the Lord of the Rings. Had a break from the gloomy ghosts just before falling asleep and watched the Fellowship. Its fantastic greatness inspires me greatly and gave me around 800 of different ideas and unrelated visuals about various things. I'd love to have a wall of LOTR in my bedroom with a projection of the film ceiling height running for an hour every time before I go to sleep.