An undefinable-overwhelmingmatter .

Work was freaking tiring but good fun as well. the dude with nice hair asked me a lot of questions but it was strange to discover that I hadn’t thought about him for such a long time. my heart feels different and takes a whole left half of my chest from the inside right now. it feels new and so fresh and exciting like the sun-silvered seawater at the beginning of April. when I close my eyes, I see this elves-world-smile. its embroidered in my mind with lights, sounds and scents.

I desperately need to go to sleep since I haven't slept properly for a couple of days and my face hurts [literally], but I just can’t get myself into it. There is this something overwhelming and it does not let me sleep, but I don't think I can define it in words, or any other human method of communication.

Originally this blog was started to show the progress of my personal projects and have taken a look at my recent posts I can see that what I do is fill in the entries with some emotional crap.

Not sure if I can stop it though.

What I know for sure is that I can’t control my mood swings any more and my chest hurt every single day over the recent weeks.

I need to stop being so easily affected by my emotions, thoughts and feelings and concentrate on the work I have to do and what I really enjoy doing.

I feel a lot of heart-exploding inspiration one moment and right the next minute can feel this lack of oxygen in my lungs and this pain in my knees and in the middle of my chest.

I just know that there are so many things I can do, but I won’t be able to ( them all) no matter how hard I try and this depresses me quite a bit what leads to the loss of time instead of progressing or anything.

The moment I find myself content and working on another drawing or animation, something mind-wrecking happens and no matter how many of those calming down pills I swallow, the only thing I keep focusing on is that brain-crash-ing issue.

Had work till half 6 today and finally arrived home at around quarter past 7. So I was having my wicked dinner consisting of a lemon tart with vanilla milkshake and RESTING and watching a little bit of TV when I saw Soph’s car reversing outside. She came over to get me to go to Mayas and since my phone had been dead for ages ( not sure why I wouldn’t charge the goddamn battery), it was a nice surprise. And finally, after 100 years of invitations, I saw Mayas place and her flatmates who happened to be pretty old.

and I'm serious about this, *very often emotions and feelings are not entirely expressed on my face in all their strength, since I’m kinda reserved person when it comes to certain things. my mind is like a notebook and during the moments of new experiences it captures everything in all its bits, pieces and details. and I just have no time to express the emotions in a loud / visible way. Or I just don’t feel like I need to or the moment requires / needs me to.

It’s just like these impressions are too precious to be shown to the audience or put in words.

Mr Moth.

While hovering under my bed today , I found a moth. It had already gone to see its maker, so I obviously couldn’t talk to him and ask, where had he come from and what was he doing down there under my bed by the time he died, so I just put it in my Gustav Klimt metal box, and now its not empty any more.

Ben Hibon.

He is amazing!

Vaughan Oliver's exhibition

was pretty amusing. Took pictures of almost all the interesting people there.
And my eyes got photographed like 4 times! By tony and a nameless man. It was sunny inside and my lashes were glowing in blue. Probably that's why.

I’m getting pretty many comments [verbal and right in my face when I least expect it] about my illustrations being wicked. I wonder where people see them?

But the point is I need to draw more and more, but there's just not enough time for everything. And I’m so tired. So tired. But if I go to sleep, I will definitely see a horror- mind– freezing dream. It keeps regularly happening to me since Feb the 26th.

Just yesterday I would say that wicked guys with different colour converse on their feet are something you can only see in some alternative indie films, but today I discovered I know one in person. I was pretty impressed.

This is amazing! Makes my mind turn inside out. And also go and explore the Artics myself.

"A massive pliosaur- the giant fossilised Jurassic-era marine reptile was found on the Norwegian Arctic archipelago of Svalbard. The creature’s estimated bite was over 10 times more powerful than that found in any modern animal – and four times the bite of a T-Rex.

It's nicknamed “Predator X” with the est. length of its body being 50 feet, enormous jaws taking 2/3 of it. The power of its bite would make even T-Rex look feeble, as reported by Reuters quoting scientists from the Natural History Museum of Oslo University.

Bleeding success

to be actually doing all the things down my creative lists and not just hanging around and filming interesting people. what means just filming everyone since all the people are interesting in a way.
And back to the point – since Saturday (~2 am) I have been accomplishing this mission every day.

Where is she gone?

I was on fitting rooms today. Didn't know where to put my aching mind.
All the things in her flat still got her scents and atmosphere around them. Everything looks like she's just gone out to get some milk. Even a tea cup with a golden vignette engraved on it.

Smoky air.

*It smells like spring in the streets.
*His hair looks like Howl’s, I realised it earlier today.

This morning's light

wasn't as painful as it normally is, but still hurt my eyes a little bit. The awakening was early, but nice and odd. oddd. *-*

Marine biology guy.

There's Tom at work and I spoke to him today in the basement while waiting for the lift to come, which took quite a long while come to think about it. But, what about him, he's got pretty interesting eyelashes, and he's also going to study marine biology at uni after he comes back from travelling what is being planned to take place next year. It all sounded pretty amazing. He asked me a lot different question about different things. I told him the story of my holding-a-real-human-heart experience and some other things and he looked quite interested. *-*
Never met anyone who was about to study marine biology. I would love to study marine biology. And live by the sea. Or right inside the sea waters.

and he asks me all these interesting questions.